Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ketchup is God's man juice
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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