my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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