I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
