I heard we made out
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
