Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
