I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
