don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize