In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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