Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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