my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
