would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
