the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
