When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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