u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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