are you still at the devil's house?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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