as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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