I bet he comes in French.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
