guys are not supposed to queef...right?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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