Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
NoShamevember. You game?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
