I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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