none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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