I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.