I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos