hell yes lets make some ravioli
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom