Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.