Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i need some magic done to my vagina
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I want to fling myself into the sun
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
