Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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