you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
