And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
