mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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