he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
