His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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