Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Me too!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
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Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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