Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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