1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
