i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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