you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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