i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you made out with another girl for some wings