And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
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coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.