u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
