I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
