we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
