Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
