i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
