Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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