I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I deserve this hangover.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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