What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
