is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you win again, gameday.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
