i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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