can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
