how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
