You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
