I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
