people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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