i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
