I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize