she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
