Small penises have feelings too.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
