He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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