i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
