This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
