Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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