Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
