weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
