i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
