when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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