morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
