Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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