bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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