your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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