We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
