i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
