Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
