weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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