I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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