hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
