You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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