The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
