I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
