how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
